Wednesday, October 19, 2005

FILMI EUPHEMISM

We find euphemisms of all kinds these days...

No longer are there clothes for the obese... they are "King-Size"... Inventory Shrinkage instead of Shoplifting... Aesthetically Challenged instead of Ugly... Vertically Challanged instead of Short .. and the list goes on...(one euphemism which I really adore is "Differently Enabled")

Anyways back to what I started for. From the umpteen number of movies I have seen I hereby draw a list of euphemisms used in world's biggest film industry: Bollywood

Disclaimer: This list is by no means exhaustive, for as long as the filmmakers of this nation of 1 billion plus, continue to dig into their minds(or their noses.. or both) to find out new ways to show things on screen this list will keep growing


Euphemism No 1
Flowers

Scene: Hero n geroine in a public garden whispering sweet nothings to each other... hero feeling the pangs in his loins and the heroine acting coy.... after a while they bend down and the camera stays there on the two flowers (preferably roses mind you... and red too ) and then the two roses start to bump into each other or swaying left right up n down as if nodding approvngly to the acts being committed just below them... usually signfies kissing.

Corollary :Another version.. hero and heroine are now in a jungle ..rest scenario remains as above.. in this case the flower nodding usually signifies copulation



Euphemism No 2
Fireplace

Scene: hero n heroine on a stormy night... its raining accompanied by thunder and lightening... their car has broken down and they are now in a secluded Daak Bungalow in the middle of nowhere.... since their clothes are wet the hero will start a fire.. (somehow all the dal bungalows are stacked up with firewood for any such emergency n the hero has lighter/matches to light up the fire even without the need of any kerosene/petrol). The roaring fire's flames are directly proportional to the lust between the love birds at this point of time... the light in the room should be orangish-yellow and the hero should be nude waist up...
Hero n heroine get close to each other and the camera zooms in through the small space between their bodies and blurrs into the fire
Signifies copulation
It may be noted that this euphemism occurs solely when the case is of pre marital sex. the Euphemism No 1 though can also be shown with married couples. The corollary to it though is strictly reserved for premarital sex... if it were a married couple the husband would be busy pulling his hair and thinking "Why did I ever promise this woman the jungle safari???"


Euphemism No 3
Bedside lamp

Scene: Its the "SUHAAG RAAT" .... now after all the ghungta uthana, kesar wala doodh and the rest of the usual shenanigans are done with the hero will lay down his bride on the bed (fully clothed n jewelled)... camera pans to the bedside lamp which switches off after a delay of 2 seconds


Euphemism No 4
Child photo....shhhh

Another variation to the scene in the above euphemism... at the end instead of panning to the bedside lamp the camewra will pan upwards on the wall where the child photograph is ... and the child having a finger on his lips... Sssshhhhhhhh!!!
Dont be surprised if the next day the heroine throws up and is expecting a baby.. coz somehow this euphemism is oft used in cases when the couple is trying to make a baby.


Euphemism No 5
Waves in ocean 1

Usually occurs at some beach .. now the beach has to have green waters , white sand, sample sun and most importantly it should be secluded be totally deserted one... how else will their lusty instincts urge them to make out behind those coconut trees...then when the huge waves start hitting the shores you know that the guy has been successful in nailing the gal... one might wonder how all of a sudden the peaceful waves turned into big mighty roaring ones... the answer I m afraid is a bit complex... its the lunar gravity coupled with the earth's centrifugal force due to rotation on it's axis combined with all the pumping n grinding going on behind those coconut trees


Euphemism No 6
Waves in ocean 2

This is again a variation to euphemism no 5...except that this time the waves are crashing hard on the rocks... this would in most cases signify a rape or passionate love ...it may also be used in some other situation where there is a kash-m-kash going in the hero's mind whether to obey his parents word or go with his gal...or when heroine is comtemplating suicide due to the unwanted pregnancy.. but we wont discuss those senarios


Euphemism No 7
Mountain Erupting


Now this one is a multipurpose euphemism... it can and has been used at a number of places in a number fo situations...
Hero's sis gets raped.... Volcano erupts
Hero heroine are making passionate love ...Volcano erupts (in this case the amount of lava flowing out of volcano is directly proportional to the hero's virility)
Saboo ko gussa aata hain ... Volcano erupts (on Juptier ofcourse)

6 comments:

rakesh said...

hahaha ... good one! Put some pictures to make it mroe interesting.

~Lord Anshul said...

i back rakesh

sumu said...

guru !! tumhaari research ki to da-ad deni padegi!! now We know what u did when u bunked YS's lectures ;) :D...

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

Hey,

These were really funny. Thanks for dropping by my blog.

Your astute observations of those office bloopers were so hilarious, I had to drop by and check your blog.

Must say, its was totally worth it. I've often wondered about the shenanigans of Bollywood myself :-)

sumu said...

:).. theek hai yaar, Raju ke hi sahi ;) :P...

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subhan allah ..I wonder ye maine pahle kyun nahi pada :D
amazing research :D

woh bhi pics ke sath ..yaar why u wasting time with TCS ..go n try ur hand in Bollywood doofffus :P

I mean this is fantastic :)