Friday, April 07, 2006

BUUURP!!!

(Foreword: The inspiration to write this post came from the excruciating pain and discomfort experienced by the writer last weekend and the better part of this week, due to an immensely upset stomach. So, in order to have better health, stronger stomach and avoid overshooting the toilet paper budget, I have decided to eat healthier. Though I have also sidelined all suggestions, from friends, like refraining from publishing anything related to my cooking and hanging a jpg of nimbu-mirchi to ward off the evil eye, on my blog.)


"You are what you eat". Well, in most cases; Exceptions do exist (coz I would hate to be Beer n Pizza 2 days a week). With so many of us who arent staying in their parents home and dont have their 'mommies' to feed them, the headache of managing ones food lies directly on us. Now, as hard (and painful) as it may be, I have to admit girls do a better job at that than guys. Maybe because the kitchen is a not a completely alien territory.

But guys are catching up fast and the best thing is that we are learning quickly. So what does the poor bachelor do ? He has to manage on his own. I'm not just talking about ordering 'Chomin' from your neighbourhood "Chainese Food" outlet or pizza from Domino's on rainy/peak-traffic hours and waiting for it to be late. For a well informed guy there are many more options. Frozen food for one, Canned food, Bread-Omlette, the good ol' Maggie. So, eat healthy and just some tips which will help you in the pursuit.

(WARNING: I got this on the net, so go ahead at your own risk. The onus of establishing the credibility of the information provided hereafter lies on you, and you alone.)

The Ultimate Guide to Good Food Eating for Bachelors

1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

2. CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

3. CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

4. CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.

5. CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

6. DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

7. EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

8. EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.

9. EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

10. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

11. FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

12. GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

13. LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.

14. MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

15. MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

16. POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

17. RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

18. SALT: It never spoils.

19. UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.

20. GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this.

24 comments:

Br!j said...

Guru koi ladki pasand aajaye to link de dena apne blog ka, fatafat razi ho jayegi shadi ke liye. btw start a separate blog on food , that will be great when ppl like me will need immediate fundae online in near future ;-)

Sayesha said...

Hahahaha! :D

Rohit Talwar said...

:D

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Hahahaha. :D What a list!

Convivial said...

lolz!

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

i started writing that post ages ago, but got around to completing and posting it only yesterday!

u honestly think so low of me..u think i wudnt check recent docs for missing files???

tsk tsk

anyhow, good post. such typical guy things :-))

since i dont want one my my fave bloggers to get ill and therefore not write, here's a simple solution for you.

get brocolli, mushroom, babycorn, tomatoes, onions, brown bread.

boil the brocolli, mushroom and babycorn for like 5 minutes..no more..else they become soggy. put 2-3 teaspoons of olive oil in a pan, heat it. add salt and pepper. red chilli powder (because we are indian). mix it up. add the brocolli, mushroom and babycorn. stir fry. cut the brown bread into long thin slices and add to the couldron along with sliced onions. switch off in 5 mins. add the tomatoes on top. can also add oregano for flavour. serve hot.

thats it. filling. and won't overshoot ur toilet paper budget.

u may thank me now.

Lalit Singh said...

@Birju
I am always there for u yaar... just call my name n i'll be there.. tere ko aur bhi fundae dungaa jab tu job join karega

@Sayesha
Hahahaha! :D

@Rohit
:D

@DaGal
Thx :D

@Convvivial
:-)

@Deepa
There is no way a document wont be in the recent doc list of MS word, unless one overwrites it. I refuse to buy this story. I know MS sucks, but MS Word is perhaps their best product.

And for the recipe....recipe
AWWWWWWW arent u sweet.. thanx a ton for the recipe... i will try it out someday soon... and maybe post it here with due credit to you for it...

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

See the problem with the doc was that it was haunted. I can't explain why it wasn't there in recent docs, except that it wasn't. Stop sounding like a manager by saying u won't buy it!

My name is not Deeepa. And your first clue is in my latest blog...

You're welcome. Seeing as how you need to fend for yourself, maybe I'll mail you a couple of easy to use, tried and tested, singleton recipes :-))))))

Arun said...

neendo meim bhi Deepa, aur ab har larki deepa hi dikti hai
Boss..iska ilaaj Brijju ne bol hi diya hai ;-)

~Cheers

Sayesha said...

Baap re! Malgudi Days??!! Lalit, kya kya bajate ho apne blog par! :D

Lalit Singh said...

@Miss V (V for vendetta eh ?)
Hanted doc... hahaha!!
I'll mail you a couple of...
>:D< (*khushi ke aansu)

@arun
Arrey nahi yaar
Tereko poori story nahi malum

@Sayesha
Now Playing - Malgudi Days
Coming Up - 'Sholay' theme.

Sakshi said...

Love the Malgudi Days theme.. Bought back lovely memories.
LOL on the list.

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

so who is deepa eh???

i have a feeling this story is deeper than you're letting on.

khushi ke aansu rehne do...ab to pyaaz ke aasun ka time hai :-)))

you got your first clue :)

Lalit Singh said...

@Sakshi
Yeah.. so many memories of the golden era of TV.. not the crapy saas-bahu drama's

@V (pats himself on the back)
Deepa yaar.. tumhare work of fiction ki heroine.
Pyaaz ke aansu to pichle 8 mahine se baha hi raha hun

~ Deeps ~ said...

gud list.........

Ankit said...

i totally agree .. n i miss my mother .
Hostel's mess sucks .

Ali Thanikkal said...

Good one -:)
Guess its just a coincidence we both happen to write on cooking, almost same time!!!

Archana said...

LOL :-D! Reminds me of a magnet my friend has on her refrigerator door "If it is walking out of the fridge, let it go!"

Sayesha said...

Sholay ka theme bhi hai?? :I

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

deepa was the side kick man, not the heroine!

congrats on getting the first clue :-)

8 mahine ke aansu? yeh kya 9 mahino main khatam honge???

so how was your trip???

can't wait to read about it and see the pix.

Lalit Singh said...

@Alit
dude... sabhi bachelors ka ek hi rona hain...i understand it.

@Archana
lols... achchaa hain


to all-> Sayesha ko sholay theme nahi pata
@Sayesha
Ji haan ...just hang onm for a while... 1-2 din mein daalta hun.

@V
Thx.. waiting for the next one.
Trip was awesome... bahut mazaa aaya...
pics n account of travels in a few days.

Sayesha said...

Lalit ji (a la Sridevi in Chandni),
Aap apna blog update karne ka kasht karenge?

Sayesha said...

Finally sun liya baba Sholay theme. Ab khush? :/

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

LOL at that guide. I know some friends who could use it.
and
>10. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it >wiggles.

eeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!