Live Earth

I am sure you would have caught your fav artist at/on the Live Earth concerts on 07/07/07. If u have 3 minutes, go and take this survey which will tell you what’s your live impact. With a carbon output of 9.9 tons per year I must def be amongst the above average of us who continue to harm the earth in more ways than one. And I am not alone.. each one of us is responsible. Here are a whole lot of things we can do to help our environments and ourselves.

OK the serious part done, let's get down to Shek's Tag:-

What am I doing to make the earth a greener place?

1) Transport
I use public transport. Car in Europe??? Hahahahah... Dude, am still employed in an Indian company. I also own a bike, which I ride on non rainy, non snowing days. Well not all the 35 days.

2) Paper
I don’t use printouts until it is absolutely necessary to carry some in a meeting. And also I have this habit of having all the data in one sheet of paper. So I print with Font Size = 2 or something. And just so I utilize each n every part of it and nothing is wasted, I draw doodles on the remaining blank surface of the paper in the meeting.

3) Washing
I wash my clothes together at the end of the week. No whites-and-non-whites-separate for me you racial bastards. Also I make sure I stuff all my clothes to be washed in one go. I use cold water to wash as hot water makes more creases in the clothes which take more time to iron out. My towel was last washed on ....errr March?, which is about the time when I also washed my bed sheet n pillow cover.

4) Electricity
Last time I had to buy bulbs I got the long lasting compact fluorescent light bulbs. 2 of them. It will take time before I switch to them completely. My PC/laptop goes on standby/sleep with 10 minutes of inactivity. I have consciously tuned the settings this way.

5) Shopping bags
I carry shopping bags for my weekend grocery shopping and use them repeatedly until they threaten to burst and spill all the stuff on the road.

6) Recycle
I don’t use recycled paper but I do recycle plastic/glass bottles and cans. In fact we get 1/1.5/3 Kroners back for every bottle/can submitted. Nothing like buying beer from the money u just made from empty beer cans.

Some other tips that will help u save the environment:-
* Wear jackets with deep pockets. This way whenever u buy something, u can carry it in those deep pockets. You will not need to buy the shopping bags.
* Eat pizza at the pizza shop, no matter how shady it is. Agreed that u like to have your pizza sprawled on your living room floor in a lungi scratching you hair, but if u eat it there u wont need the pizza box and help in generating less trash. You will also conserve water as you will have no dishes to clean.
* Wear jeans to work. Apart from the fact that they are better any day than formals, you can actually save a lot of water in washing before anyone notices that u r wearing the same pair for the last 2 weeks.
* If u happen to stay in colder regions where the sun is rather reluctant then do wear cardigans all the time at work. They allow you to wear a shirt with just the collars ironed. Save electricity in ironing.
* Shower sensibly. No, I am not asking you to do French showers, but who needs hour long showers and bath tubs filled with gallons of water. If you shower daily then you should be practiced enough to bathe in less than 10 minutes. You may indulge in such extravagances from time to time, but plz keep them to the minimum.

On a more serious note let me end this post with an old native American saying - "We do not inherit the Earth from our parents, we borrow it from our children".

Let's return it to them as a better place.

No Kissing/Sex Please, We Are Indians

In order to show objectionable, traumatizing and offending acts on screen, without having a lawsuit slapped on your face by the jobless moral guardians of the society, many age old methods have been employed by the champions of Bollywood. As you would have observed dear readers, more often than not, these euphemisms are relating to sex. Now this brings a Q to mind - Is depicting sex on screen such a hard task, that our filmmakers had to resort to such tactics?

Surely its not that Indians don’t know about sex. You don’t have a nation of 1 billion people for nothing. In fact Indians know too much about sex. And we are pretty good at it too. No, I won't mention the Kamasutra or Khajuraho, just look at our birth rate n population. The only people who have better sex than us, are the Chinese. In fact they are so good at sex, that people all over the world are dying to have sex with them for centuries. So much so, that they had to build a wall around their country.

Here is a list of some such euphemisms. The list is by no means exhaustive, for as long as the filmmakers of this nation of 1 billion plus, continue to dig into their minds (or their noses.. or both) to find out new ways to show things on screen this list will keep growing.

Euphemism No 1: Flowers
Scene: Hero n heroine in a public garden whispering sweet nothings to each other... hero feeling the pangs in his loins and the heroine acting coy.... After a while they bend down and the camera stays there on the two flowers (preferably roses...red ones) and then the two roses start to bump into each other or swaying left, right, up & down as if nodding their approval to the acts being committed just below ... usually signifies kissing.

This euphemism doesn't find many takers now, as many people have really eroded the moral fibre of our kulchur and started kissing on screen. Tauba!!

Corollary: Hero and heroine are now in a jungle... Rest scenario remains as above.. In this case the flower nodding usually signifies copulation.

Euphemism No 2: Fireplace
Scene: Hero n heroine on a stormy night... its raining accompanied by thunder and lightening... their car has broken down and they are now in a secluded 'Daak Bunglow' in the middle of nowhere.... since their clothes are wet the hero will start a fire.. (Somehow all the dak bunglows are stacked up with firewood for any such emergency n the hero has the talent to light up the fire from a matchstick/lighter without the need of any kerosene/petrol). The roaring fire's flames are directly proportional to the lust between the love birds at this point of time... the light in the room should be orangish-yellow, ample shadow play on the walls and the hero should be nude waist up (Throw in an ample amount of body hair for macho appeal and hiding the rolls of fat.. though Anil Kapoor is strictly forbiddened from removing his shirt COME-WHAT-MAY). Hero n heroine get close to each other and the camera zooms in through the small space between their bodies and blurs into the fire. Signifies copulation.

It may be noted that this euphemism occurs solely when the case is of pre-marital sex. The Euphemism No 1 though can also be shown with married couples. The corollary to euphemism 1 though is strictly reserved for premarital sex. If it were a married couple the husband would be busy pulling his hair and thinking "Why did I ever promise this woman the jungle safari???"


Euphemism No 3: Bedside Lamp
Scene: Its the "SUHAAG RAAT" (Ah!! Some more random hits on my blog thx to google) .... now after all the ghunghat-uthana, kesar wala doodh and the rest of the usual big-night shenanigans are done with, the hero will lay down his bride on the bed (fully clothed n jewelled)... camera pans to the bedside lamp which switches off after a delay of 2 seconds.


Euphemism No 4: Child photo....SSSHHHHHHHHH
Another variation to the scene in the above euphemism... at the end instead of panning to the bedside lamp the camera will move upwards on the wall where the child photograph is and the child having a finger on his lips... Sssshhhhhhhh!!!

Don't be surprised if the next day the heroine throws up and is expecting a baby (which would be determined without the help of a home pregancy kit or a doctor).. coz somehow this euphemism is oft used in cases when the couple is trying to make a baby. Congraulations flow from all corners and the father, placing a hand on the son's shoulder, says 'Bete, aaj tune mera sapna sach kar diya'. I wonder if the Dad was dreaming about the last nights events.


Euphemism No 5: Waves in ocean 1
Usually occurs at some beach .. now the beach has to have green waters , white sand, ample sun and most importantly it should be a secluded and totally deserted one... how else will their lusty instincts urge them to make out behind those coconut trees...and when the huge waves start hitting the shores you know that the guy has been successful in nailing the gal... one might wonder how all of a sudden the peaceful waves turned into big mighty roaring ones... the answer I m afraid is a bit complex... it's the lunar gravity coupled with the earth's centrifugal force due to rotation on it's axis combined with all the pumping n grinding going on behind those coconut trees.


Euphemism No 6: Waves in ocean 2
This is a variation to euphemism no 5...except that this time the waves are crashing hard on the rocks... this would in most cases signify a rape or passionate love ...it may also be used in some other situation where there is a kash-m-kash going in the hero's mind whether to obey his parents word or go with his gal...or when heroine is contemplating suicide due to the unwanted pregnancy.

Euphemism No 7: Volcano Erupting
Now this one is a multipurpose euphemism... it can and has been used at a number of places in a number of situations...
Hero's sis gets raped.... Volcano erupts
Hero heroine are making passionate love ...Volcano erupts (in this case the amount of lava flowing out of volcano is directly proportional to the ....mmmmm what shall we say...hero's virility)
Saboo ko gussa aata hain ... Volcano erupts (on Jupiter of course).


Euphemism No 8: Boiling Milk
Scene: The heroine is working in the kitchen.... newly wed wife... learning the tricks of the trade... the husband sneaks up from behind and grabs her around the waist... the heat in the kitchen , the smell of milk boiling on the stove, the aroma of spices and all that make the hero really hot (not that he wasn’t already horny) and they start making out oblivious of the milk heating on the stove ... while the hero n heroine move out of scene the camera pans into the vessel kept on stove with milk boiling... within minutes the milk starts to rise ... the rise in the level of milk is directly signifies the building up male orgasm ... in roughly 1 minute 30 secs the milk overflows (that’s the average time it would take - for both the activities)
Note: This euphemism can also be shown for Rape and in that case the milk boils to some rather jarring music.


Euphemism No 9: Bird in Cage
This euphemism is solely reserved for use when depicting a rape scene. The bird in the cage signifies the hero's sister in the grip of the villain.Note: It will be hero's sister in 99% of the cases and this should occur somewhere in the first half of the movie. In the rare exception that it is the heroine, she should commit suicide right after the crime and the hero will avenge her death in the rest of the movie. And before the feminists clench their teeth and ask me, why should a woman commit suicide when the ideally the rapist should be castrated, lemme tell you this is Bollywood and logic is found here in as much abundance as topless girls in Antarctica.


Euphemism No 10: Fluttering Diya
This particular diya is rather from 60s and 70s where a diya would be lighted next to the person on his death bed... sitting next to the dying old man/woman would be his wife/husband, the dutiful-and-friendly neighbors, the chacha, taya, mama, mausi, doodhwala, kaam-wali-bai and a hoard of junior artists but not the son.
The son is rushing home to be besides his father/mother who is ready to kick the bucket anytime now. As soon as he enters the room panting, the diya extinguishes and the man/woman in bed has breathed his/her last.The diya may be replaced by the ECG machine as well. The waves going up n down in a jagged way and finally nothing but a straight line.

With the help of these euphemisms, we can make sure that everything is in strict accordance with the CBFC guidelines of certification. Do you have any Euphemisms which u want to share?

====================================================

Update:
Some more Euphemisms which the readers left in the Comments section

Arun
An umbrella/heroine's hat coming in between when the couple steals a smooch.
May I just add, that the Umbrella has got to be of multicolor n should be revolving when the couple engage in the act.

Twilight Fairy
another one.. khufiya barsaati raat.. raat ka andhera.. no bijli.. except for the bijli in the sky.. the torrential rain.. hero heroine getting wet.. windows in buildings thrashing .. hero's hand on heroine's waist (mind u a waist which has a saree clinging on to the wet skin more for effect..for all it matters it's not really there)..and then once the hero and heroine get really close, the lightening weaves across the sky.. signifying what else but...copulation! :)
BRILLIANT

Sushruta
I remember if the rape happens in a stable like place the spinning wheel of a stationary cart also signals at ahem ...rape

Unknown User
You forgot the crying girl photographs...in a rape scene.

Bastet
Eagle or Hawk, preying on a pigeon, indicating the villian following a hapless damsel. As the hawk closes in and kills the pigeon, the villian pounces on the girl.

Don’t be late for work, coz :-

¤ You might skip walking till the bus stop n hail a cab instead
¤ You might be too preoccupied with getting to work, to notice the beauty of the fall colors
¤ You might be in a hurry n forget to smile at the passer-bys
¤ You might be too busy in saving time and don’t bother to say Good Morning
¤ You might be angry with yourself and have a frown on your face, which I need not tell you, will do no good for your face-value.
¤ You might screw up your whole day by getting late.

Have a great week ahead!!!

BUUURP!!!

(Foreword: The inspiration to write this post came from the excruciating pain and discomfort experienced by the writer last weekend and the better part of this week, due to an immensely upset stomach. So, in order to have better health, stronger stomach and avoid overshooting the toilet paper budget, I have decided to eat healthier. Though I have also sidelined all suggestions, from friends, like refraining from publishing anything related to my cooking and hanging a jpg of nimbu-mirchi to ward off the evil eye, on my blog.)

"You are what you eat". Well, in most cases; Exceptions do exist (coz I would hate to be Beer n Pizza 2 days a week). With so many of us who arent staying in their parents home and dont have their 'mommies' to feed them, the headache of managing ones food lies directly on us. Now, as hard (and painful) as it may be, I have to admit girls do a better job at that than guys. Maybe because the kitchen is a not a completely alien territory.

But guys are catching up fast and the best thing is that we are learning quickly. So what does the poor bachelor do ? He has to manage on his own. I'm not just talking about ordering 'Chomin' from your neighbourhood "Chainese Food" outlet or pizza from Domino's on rainy/peak-traffic hours and waiting for it to be late. For a well informed guy there are many more options. Frozen food for one, Canned food, Bread-Omlette, the good ol' Maggie. So, eat healthy and just some tips which will help you in the pursuit.

(WARNING: I got this on the net, so go ahead at your own risk. The onus of establishing the credibility of the information provided hereafter lies on you, and you alone.)

The Ultimate Guide to Good Food Eating for Bachelors

1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

2. CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

3. CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

4. CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.

5. CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

6. DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

7. EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

8. EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.

9. EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

10. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

11. FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

12. GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

13. LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.

14. MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

15. MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

16. POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

17. RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

18. SALT: It never spoils.

19. UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.

20. GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly + General Update

Good: You think of a solution to a problem
Bad : Your superior copies it
Ugly: He gets applauded for it.

Good: Your sibling/cousin wants to do engineering
Bad : He/She doesn't even want to apply at your alma mater
Ugly: The reason being - 'You went there'.

Good: India is winning the cricket game
Bad : You send a mail with the latest score to the whole team
Ugly: Client is also in the 'To' list.

Good: Client gives you a laptop
Bad : To work
Ugly: On weekends, from home.

Good: You still in touch with your "All-Boys" coll gang
Bad : Most of them are married
Ugly: They were love marriages.*
(*Just kidding... m very happy for those guys)


Some General Update

Tickets have been booked n reservation have been made.... 12th April, on the eve of Easter Holidays, am off to visit München/Munich and Salzburg.
Munich, as we all know is one of the biggest cities in Germany/Deutschland/Tyskland and Salzburg, a small town in Austria, is the birthplace of Mozart. So be ready to enjoy some nice pics and an account of my travel once I am back on the 17th.

Meetings: The Practical Alternative To Work

We all attend meetings, everyday, and if it is a Friday then I have as many as 4 of them. How, at the end of the day, I still have my sanity partially preserved, is still a mystery to me. Why the techies are subjected so many meetings is a point, I believe, one of my fellow tribes(wo)men will certainly write a technical paper upon. More or less all meetings fall into the following categories:-

1 Status Meetings
They are the regular weekly status meetings kinda thing which are scheduled mostly on Fridays with a sinister intent of dragging people out of their work so that things get delayed n no one can leave early n enjoy. The agenda of the meeting remains unchanged over the period of time. If Dates, Names of people involved and Numeric figures are removed then the MoM of all such meetings would look damn similar, even across organizations. The conductor or such meetings is usually a person from the higher branches of the hierarchy tree. So well versed in his/her job that (s)he could conduct a meeting in coma. Highly qualified, with a degree from The Indian Board Of Alternative Medicines for a proven track record of curing insomnia. Attendance is usually compulsory for all stakeholders (it basically means anybody who is somebody has to attend). Yawns galore on the floor!!!!

2 Reactive Meetings
These are usually conductive in response to certain distress situations. Something has gone terribly wrong and a meeting is called to discuss the contingency plan. Participants are highly charged up and will all move into the meeting room with a mug of coffee in their hand. The most notable thing is the number of people who don't have a clue bout what's going on and are still very enthusiastically involved. Hats and Wigs off to them!! (I believe that technically a Wig is also a Hat). The saddest thing about these kinda meetings is that the official time for jokes and gossip is sacrificed. Shucks!!!

3 Technical meetings
We don't need no gyan on that. These are the kind of meetings we call, and thrive upon.


Techie's guide to surviving meetings

1. Make the best possible use of the designated time in meetings for cracking jokes n gossip (i.e. before the supremo walks in) to your full advantage. Make sure you go through sites like this & this (Warning: NSFW) and update yourself with the latest jokes of a certain flavour. This will ensure your colleagues look forward to having you and you secure invites to even those meetings in which you have as much role to play, as much as Mallika Sherawat had in 'The Myth'. Please keep in mind that the jokes should be replaced by 'intelligent discussions' on the latest Ekta Kapoor soaps on the telly, in case the sex ratio at your workplace is in favour of women.

2. You may choose not to answer the question put up by the other people in the meeting, for the fear of the abundance of stupidity attached to it, which might rub off on you in case you decided to handle them, but you should never neglect the questions put forward by the boss at the meeting. Also it is a good idea to maintain a straight, thinking look on your face and nod your head in agreement whenever he/she speaks something.

It is a best practice to utter something every 9 mins. Why 9?? Lemme explain.. See, out of the sixty minutes of a 1 hour meeting, 10 mins will be wasted coz boss will turn in late and no one will start until then (Utilize this time for exercising the mantra in point 1), then halfway down the meeting there will be a brief period of 'Collective Attention Loss' in the meeting. So count those 5 mins off too. Remaining - 45 mins. Divide it by 5 (5 = the no of participants/the no of chairs/the no of plants/the no of people awake/ the no of times boss caught you yawning/the no of whiteboard markers in the room - whatever fits the bill, suit urself. Don't ask me "Why 5?") which results in 9. Also, I personally think, 10 minutes is too big a period to keep ur mouth shut and not yawn. Add to it, the fact that it won't allow anyone to say "It's been 10 minutes since u spoke a word". That person will definitely feel awkward in saying "It's been 9 minutes since u spoke a word"

3. Speak Intelligently. No no, I am not asking you to tax your brains on preparing notes for meetings. HELL NO!! Leave them for doing some actual work. All I am saying is that what u speak should carry the message to the listener that the views are a result of intelligent inquisition and meticulous analysis. Just make it 'seem' that way. Go thru the list of words below:-

Root Cause Analysis (RCA)
Fish Bone Analysis (FBA)
Customer Satisfaction Index (CSI)
Competency Level Assessment (CLA)
Key Process Indicator (KPI)
Critical To Quality (CTQ)
Return On Investment (RoI)
Snags n Spikes
Best practices
Benchmark
Reverse engineering
Retrofitting
Repeatable process
Quantifiable
Lessons learnt
Highlights n lowlights
Consistent
Optimised
Performance tuned
Peer review
360 degree feedback
Wholistic view/thinking
Futuristic thinking
Avoidable bottlenecks
Congestion points
Sigma level
ISO
CMM
pCMM
Showstoppers
Hotfixes
Quality consciousness
Version control
Quickwin
Breakfix

Make sure you include one such word in EACH of your sentences. The more the merrier.
The thumb rule, dear readers, is :-
Each verb should preferably be preceded by a powerful adjective. (Don't expect me to go into the details of verbs and adjectives. I remember as much about high school grammar as u do and Wren & Martin were never my favourite authors)

Sample this:-
"After pertinent FBA and RCA we have disembarked on the justified conclusion that the drop in CSI can be advertently attributed to PSC and low CLA."
In simple terms - "Client is pissed off coz we screwed up"

TIP - Using abbreviations serves the purpose of making the sentence complicated and making it difficult to decipher.


4. Carry some printouts to the meetings. Printouts, mind you, not newspaper. That would make it look too obvious. You could print out the cricket match scores (they fit perfectly in Excel sheets) and ponder over the match in the meeting, you could print the lyrics to your fav song and read them , you could print the jokes as mentioned in point 1 and go thru them n prepare yourself for the next meeting... What the hell!! you could print this blog and read it just in case you forget these pearls of wisdom.

5. Last and certainly not the least - GEEKSPEAK
If confronted by an imposing question to which you have no clue, if cornered by a comment which you just dont know how to handle - "Have no fear, geekspeak is here". Start talking in technical terms, left right and center. Use the nerd lingo with a genrous amount of abbreviations thrown in. Remember, Geekspeak is your Excalibur, your ultimate shield, your impregnable armour.

With all that gyan my dear geeks, go, the world is yours to conquer.

THE GEEK SHALL INHERIT THE WORLD
Amen !!

Hawa Hawa & Bombay Autos (Arbit Post)

Was listening to www.desi-radio.com in office the other day and suddenly in between all those Himesh Reshamiya sung songs (I think the RJ or whatever at the website is not paid well by the site owner hence he is trying to settle scores by cueing such songs) there comes up a voice which I could faintly remember, which is kinda long forgotten and and tucked away in some corner of the mind... the voice of Hassan Jehnagir.. the song Hawa Hawa and it ushered a storm of memories...n I am not the only one who experiences such emotions when they hear songs from the bygone era. Bloggers of notable repute have had reminiscences here n here....Days when there used to be audio cassettes and not Cds. 20 bucks apiece. in shiny decorative(and rarely sleazy) covers.. which could be used later for recording some other songs.

What a rage this song was.. total jhakaas/kickass/raapchick/bindaas/dhinchak song. I cant find words which describe it more aptly.

That brings a question to mind... whats with the song with repeated words ... like Hawa Hawa, Oye Oye, Tamma Tamma or (Tu cheez badi hain) Mast Mast???? Is it the repition of words in quick succession which ensures that the songs register in our mind and thus become chartbusters??

Arguably the favourite patrons of such songs is the clan of Auto-wallahs. The other notable ones being Dhoop-Chaun-Barbers-Association, Road-side Romeos Inc. and Nerds-Not-So-Anonymous United.

Now lemme yap about the Bombay autowallahs.. these guys have a cult of their own.. Their brotherhood is more powerful and widespread than the Harley Davidson Owners's Group worldwide …you have to travel in a Bombay auto to know what I am talking about ... Believe me it is nearest to Formula 1 that your will ever get...

They are a jazzy lot... decorate their autos tastefully… neon lights, plush seats(some of 'em), strategically placed rear view mirrors (ahem ahem) and music... know the Laws of Reflections from Physics better than the professors at MIT and carry the latest mobiles. Imagine, I was talking to a frnd on cell while in an auto and when I was done the autowallah remarks "I am not satisfied with this model" and I am like "Dude I didn’t spent more than a month's take-home salary to hear this"....Anyways if u do manage to strike a convo with one of these guys (which doesn’t require any special skills) you wont even know when u reached ur destination. May God bless their free spirit which is echoed well in the thought "Have Auto, Will Drive - through n over anything"

When I first landed in Mumbai in the rains of 2003 (talk about perfect timing) I was greeted by Daler paaji's "Kala Kauwa" in an auto, among other things like potholes (big enough to have a 2BHK constructed inside them and still have place left for a front yard), slime, and the humid sweaty weather. It took a while for me to realise it was our very own Dilli-da-Munda Daler. Atleast something was familiar in this new city.

Salman Khan called the shots (pun intended) with "Tere Naam" henceforth... every autowallah had a casette of this movie.. some even had a CD.

"Andaaz" came in as the next chart (and commuter ear) buster. So wherever you go 'Ho Rabba Ishq Na Howey' followed you.. Much like the pug in the Hutch commercial.
Akshay kumar encore(and Salman too not left behind)... this time with "Mujhse Shaadi Karogi"
"Laal Dupatta Ud Gaya" and "Aaja Soneya" became the anthem of the three wheeled speedsters... That was the rage when I left the shores

Can anyone tell me what’s the latest these days?

And My Fav Books are:-

1 E-CRM: Business & System Frontiers By M.P. Jaiswal, Anjali Kaushik Rs. 207/-
2 The IT Professional`s Guide to Managing Systems, Vendors and End Users by Plotnick, Neil Rs.350/-
3 SAP Project Management by Ghosh, Joy Rs.650/-
4 E Business: A Beginner`s Guide by Elsenpeter, Robert C. Rs.325/-
5 The CRM Project Management Handbook by Michael Gentle Rs.1166/-
6 Building Java Enterprise System with J2EE by Perrone Rs.570/-
7 Database Management Systems Designing and Building Business Applications by Gerald V. Rs.225/-

Since it is March, I thought I would share with you guys some of the books I love... In fact, am so fond of them that I have bought them twice, in March 2004 n March, 2005. I have receipts to prove the same :-P

Though this year I won’t be able to buy these books again, I sincerely hope that this list comes in handy to some of you.
Happy Reading!!!

Email

One of the most essential forms of communications in this era is the Email. It has clearly crossed the line from being a "useful communication tool" to Mission Critical Communication Platform and a De-facto Information Repository. Take away email, and an employee's ability to send forwards and communicate, collaborate n coordinate (whats with all the co* words??) with customers, vendors, fellow employees and others is severely hampered, the former issue leading to severe cases of nerve damage due to proffessional trauma and cerebral inactivity. In fact, overall productivity is reduced. Phrases like "Email's down, I might as well go home" are not all that uncommon, you know.

A click of a button and a person thousands of miles away is a privy to your thoughts. Its fast, reasonably safe and comparitively cheap. And for a s/w engineer, like me, it is an integral, indispensable, indelible, inalienable, inalterable, inarguable, incessant, inconvertible and inbuilt(OK enough ins) part of work. Coz most communication in a project happens through mails. (Lets keep it for a later post, why I think Lotus Notes/Microsoft Outlook, MS word and MS Excel are THE most important tools for project development n execution in any technology/domain)

Did u hear the story of a software engineer who was marooned on an island for a long period and then one fine day a gorgeous blonde comes over from the other side of the island and displays how she applied her skills to produce some of the most amazing things one could expect to find in such a desreted place. And then when she tells him, with a suggestive wink, that he could turn his wildest fantasy into reality he is overjoyed at the thought of being able to check his mails. :-)

Well so much for the email fondness. Now on an average one must be sending out atleast 30 mails a day, and that is a conservative estimate. If you happen to be a Project Leader, Project/Account Manager or any branch higher in the corporate tree, then sending out mails is perhaps all you do the whole day, with the notable exception of holding meetings on project issues, Six Sigma, Change Management and other such efficient time wasting subjects. In such a case, the figure assumes epidemic proportions, often leading to huge network traffic accompanied by crashing of mail servers. I dont even want to guess. Some email bloopers that we regularly commit

1 Please revert back ...
Yessss I will revert 'back'... since I cant revert forward... guess I dont have much of a choice, do I?
2 Please find attached herewith...
Oh it is attached herewith??? I thought it was attached to the tree outside... or maybe the commode, where all shit coming from you rightfully belongs..

3 Where can I find these Apples?
This one is a jewel ...was the subject of the mail ...it was a laugh riot in the team while the lady was actually asking where she she could find the Applets

Now there is a little bit of personal touch involved with our email ids.. the official protocals of any corporate house dont leave much room for creativity with stringent rules like <firstname>.<lastname>@your-sweatshop.com or the other way around...But for the personal mails, one can come up with a sea of imaginable n unimaginable ids...Often we see birthdates, zodiac sign, pet names and stuff like that in ids... which give u as much idea about the person as id such as WellHungGuy or SexyEyeCandyBabe...

Emails have progressed tremendously over the years. A measely 2 Mb account 5-7 years ago to huge 2 Gb accounts now... I started off in 1999 with a petty 5 Mb account in Yahoo (hence lalitsingh99, which has stuck with me eversince) and still feel content with the space n features it offers and dont feel the need to switch.
Some things just get better with age!!!

My Favorite Color (Arbit post)

DISCLAIMER:-
This was written in a highly aberrated state of mind.
Readers reserve the right to charge/debar/condemn/blacklisted the author.
The subject matter of the post is in accordance with directions provided under paragraph 13 of Schedule 666 to the 'Freedom of Expression for Mentally Disarranmged People Act of 2006'.
Any claim seeking damage to your sanity should be accompained by proof of it's existence before this post was published.
All claim related to agony, emotinal stress and mental trauma shall under no circumstances be entertained.
*************************************************

My fav color is
Anything but Blue.
Lemme explain...

Imagine a Red apple. Its red in color and lets say its your fav color. But is the apple really Red ??? Is it ??

Its not that the apple is emitting some light of it own for then we would be able to see the apple in dark as well. It is merely reflecting the white light ambient on it. We all have been thru high school science and know that objects appear to us coz they absorb some or none of the light and reflect the rest. It is this reflected light that forms the image and the mind interprets it as red.
And It absorbs all the colors in white light and reflets Red, so in reality red is the only color the apple doesnt contain - hence we are seeing it as red. Does it occur to you that the something black is so full of colors. It contains all the colors.

Hmmmmm.....This might explain why black trousers will do just fine with any colored shirt.

SHOLAY

Friday evening it was pizza coke and Sholay... Sholay?? Why Sholay?

Because it is one of the movies I am never tired of watching (included in the list are Jaane bhi do yaaron, Chashmebadoor, Amar Akbar Anthony, Chalte Chalte, Golmaal, Masoom, Baat Ban Jaye, Rang Birangi, Baaton Baaton mein, Andaz Apna Apna )....and what better way of doing it than on big screen....Now you don’t get to see many English movies in Aalborg, forget about Bollywood movies... so we got a projector and constructed this whole setup…and it was really worth the effort

You know that Sholay did not open to a very good response way back when it was released and caught on later ...But for me the movie is a super duper uber hit...

And my fav guy in the movie ..."Gabbar Singh"... unarguably the most famous character of Indian cinema... Even Raju Shrivastav and Sunil Pal have recited his dialogues at the GILC...

"Kitne aadmi they?"
"Katili Nachaniya"
"Jo dar gaya, samjho mar gaya"
"Yeh haath mujhey de de Thakur"
"Bahut yaarana lagta hain"
"Itna sannata kyu hain bhai?"

And many such more dialogues which have crept into our daily parlance... which have become part of everyday milieu...I dont think any other movie has had that kind of penetration

Apart from the fabulous dialogues, the plot of the movie is racy, fast paced, action packed and one in which you can't escape for a leak and come back thinking that u havent missed anything significant.... one stays glued to the seat from starting to the end...

The music is excellent, both background and songs and RD Burman's 'Mehbooba o mehbooba' is simply AWESOME... each of the songs gel so properly with the movie.. its not forced upon you
The music during the numbering... harmonica and violin... gives u a feeling of a great western classic.

Another Thing about Sholay is the Sholay Trivia Quiz... which me n frnds used to indulge in a lot...Questions like :

Q Gabbar Singh ke baap ka naam kya tha?
A Hari Singh

Q Who was the other Hari in the movie?
A Hari Ram Nai

Q Jai aur Veeru ki Bike ka number kya tha?
A MYB 3047

Q Gabbar Singh ko jab pehli baar sazaa hoti hain to kaunsi 'dafa'(section) lagate hain?
A tazrat-e-hind dafa 400 ke tahat 20 saal kaid-e-baamushakkat

Q Post man ka naam kya tha?
A Gulzarilal

Q Asrani ki Jail mein AB n Dharmendra ki uniform ka number kya tha?
A AB - 15 n Dharamendra - 20

Q Imam Sahab (A K Hangal) ke bete ka naam kya tha?
A Ahmed miyan

(and this one is my fav...none of the people I ask this, have been able to answer it)
Q Imam Sahab ke bhai ka naam kya tha?
A Mukaitullah

Once I was at Mondy's (Cafe Mondegaar) and we were playing the sholay trivia quiz... soon the guys from the next table joined us...Its that kinda movie... you cant help but love it ... so if you think that Sholay is the greatest movie ever built... if you think that RD was the best .. and if you think that AB, Dharampaaji n Sanjeev Kumar and Gabbar Singh rock.. then join the sholay fan club.

Thank you Ramesh Sippy, RD, Salim Javed, AB, Dharampaaji, Amjadbhai and everyone else...



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Today happens to be the Bday of two pals
Happy Bday Diana and Deepak!!

Video Killed the Radio Star

Medium wave do-sau-unnees teen meter, yaani ek hazaar teen sau adsath kilo hertz par ye Vividh Bharti ki vigyapan prasaran sewa ka Dilli kendra hai...Aayiye ab sunte hain prayojit karyakram

Remember something????

The time when radio used to be a popular source of entertainment as not many households had got TV. Families sitting near the radio post dinner ...People travelling with radio in DTC buses....The radio slung on the shoulder in a leather case (My Dad, had one of those kind) The popular channel Vividh Bharati... and at night u cd also get Radio Nepal ..and sometimes Radio Ceylon (I guess it was there ...can anyone confirm?)... the program "Myaro Man Ko Geet" on Radio Nepal which used to be aired at night and had all the latest bollywood chartbusters

Remember the Golden Voice of yesteryears - Ameen Sayani with his Binaca (later Cibaca) Geet Mala... thats inarguably the most popular program on Radio

Yeh Vividh Bharati ki Vigyapan Prasaran sewa hain.... and then the advertisements used to follow...


Yaad rakhna yeh naam
Saari ki pehchaan
Uma falls
Uma falls

Oye khoche pathan se poocho seth
Pista baadam kaaju kishmish
Koi bhi mewa ekdum badhiya quality ka lena ho
To Roopak Store se lo
Roopak Store... Ajmal Khan Road

Aapka naam: Sonaram
Rehte kahan hain: Sonepat mein
Khate kya hain: Sona halwa
Pehante kya hain: Sona Hawai Chappal
Kya baat hain.
Sona hi Sona

Sun maa meri
menu fall dila de Sarita
nahi to main shaadi nahi karni
Sun meri beti Geeta
layi main fall sarita
baja do ab shehnai
Sarita fall main laayi

Cheap silk store hain jaana pehchana
Apne ghar ke kapde lene yahinpe aana

[BTW the Cheap Silk Store family's son was a friend of mine and here is the other version which I used to sing to him
Cheap silk store hain jaana pehchana Apne ghar ke cheethde lene yahin pe aana]

He: Kya jala
She: Omlette
He: Hua daftar ko late
She: To Black Diamond non stick cookware la do na?
He: Black Diamond non stick cookware.. na chpakne ka khatra na jalne ka dar
She: Black Diamond non stick cookware.. har grihani ki pasand.

She: "Ooi maa"
He: "Kya hua Munne ki maa?"
She: "Chappal toot gayi.. Ab kya hoga"
He: "Kitni baar kaha hai ARI Relaxo Hawai Chappal pehna karo...."
ARI Relaxo Hawai Chappal

Ramu rat le kaasmadhu kaasmadhu kaasmadhu kaasmadhu"
"Kaasmadhu?"
"Haan khaansi ki gunkaari dawa hai Kaasmadhu"
"Achcha!!! Kaasmadhu Kaasmadhu Kaasmadhu Kaasmadhu"
[...talk about drilling the message in! ]

Sahni Tyres
Apni cycle aur Rickshaw check kijiye Correct?
Sahni Tyres kabhi raaste mein dhoka nahi dete

Male Voice: Gaon se khaalis ghee mangwaate thhe...Mohan Ghee khaya, toh aisa shuddh ke maano gaon se naata hi toot gaya!
Female Voice: Ae ji Mohan Ghee lete aaiyega...yeh ghar mein bane ghee jaisa shuddh hota hai!
Chorus: Shuddh ghee Mohan Ghee

The morning transmission used to start with Vandan Waar, followed by Bhoole Bisre Geet. Hamari studio ki gahdi ke anoosar abhi subah ke 8 baja hai...ab aap Ramanuj Prasad Singh se Samachar suniye!

And then there was Ek Phankaar at 1'o clock...and Mann Chahe Geet at 2. Late night prasaran mein Chitrapat Sangeet from 12:10 to 1:30 a.m.

Some other popular programs were:-
Binaca/Cibaca Geet mala
Hawa mahal
Santojen ki mehfil
Diamond comics @Sundays 2:00 pm (Chunnu padhta Diamond Comics, Munni padhti Diamond Comics, Mazedaar hain Diamond Comics ...I never used to miss that)
Some Jokes program every nite @9:30 pm
Hariyali aur Khushhaali
Fauji Bhaiyon ke liye (or something like that)

Somehow radio lost its mass appeal with the advent of Cable television in India... However It is very encouraging to see so many Radio statiuons come up in Recent times... in Mumbai we have Radio City, Go fm, Win fm, Red fm, Radio Mirchi, AIR Rainbow fm, AIR Gold fm apart from Vividh Bharti

With inputs from BG, Newman da and Nanhi..
Yours truly
:-)


Edit:
Newman Da's Comment:-

They bring back warm, fond memories...dont they? Radio was and, to a large extent, still is the one with the largest reach of all the mass media...and the most popular...remember the fasionable hero of yore, who would step out of the plane from vilayat and walk proudly with a radio slinging from his arm?

And how can one forget the deadpan voice of the RJ in aap ke farmayish:"agla geet hai film Phoon Bane Angaarey se,aawaz hai lataji aur mohd. rafiji ki,bol hain indivar ke aur sangeet se sajaya hai kalyanji anandji kepasand aap sabki:rohtak se devender singh, rajbeer singh meena aur dhanpatsarai rohilla se anil, sunil, chinki, minki, dabloo, sweety, moti aur unke sabhi saathinangal raya se hanif mohammad, dilawar singh aur unke paravar ke sabhi sadasya..."

November Rain

No this post isn’t about November Rain from Guns N' Roses... Neither is it about Rock or any other kind of music... Please feel free to click the X on the Top Right corner of your monitor in case the reason why u started reading here was your love for music

No offence.. I love music as much as the next guy (perhaps a lot more, coz the guy who sits next to me is a gult who's world of music starts and ends with Telugu Movie songs)

Its about the Rain of Birthdays in November

Was running through my planner and just discovered the number of people who have their Birthdays in November...

Let’s go back about 22-26 years and try to see what was so special about that period... I mean the month of Feb which led to so many birthdays in November...

Couple of reasons I could think of are :-

Spring - Now who doesnt like spring...The air is fresh...Flowers everywhere...New leaves on the trees... A romantic hue to the whole atmosphere... Now spring alone, according to me, is a reason enough to explain the November Rains, but I have another reason

Weather - Too hot and the last thing you would want to do is make out.... all sweaty and hot(literally)... Too cold and you dont want to get out of the rajai.. leave alone the clothes... Now Feb has just the right kinda weather ....it's not too cold and heat is still far away....

Now that some images have splashed across my mind which are not suitable for public discussion.. I will drop the whole finding reason thing....

Another thought intrigued me.... Is it that I am more compatible with the people born in the month of November.. Is that why a majority of my fiends are under the Zodiac sign Scorpio????
So I checked out .. Ahem... This

Please don't get me wrong... I am the last person who would turn to read about Horo(r)scope... I care two hoots what the signs say...A staunch non believer of Zodiac, I would rather confess surfing porn than surfing these zodiac sites...And I was always amongst the gang in college, who used to sneer at gals from Eng Hons who used to religiously carry Linda Goodman for their "reading pleasure"... Reading Pleasure.. Aawww gimme a break...

Doctors in medical conferences don't discuss the symptoms of Chicken Flu/Dengue/AIDS with as much fervor as the Eng Hons chicks do... Every possible shade of human emotion, character and temperament can be explained thanx to the 12 Zodiac signs... Somehow the Eng hons chick is quintessentially a Linda Goodman reader...

OK so much for the November Rain lets see what December has in store for urs truly
:-)

FILMI EUPHEMISM - PART II

This is in line with the first post on Filmi Euphemism in which featured some of the most commonly used euphemisms in our film. (Here is a link to that in case u missed it)

And more often than not these are relating to sex.... Now this brings a Q to mind
Is depicting sex on screen such a hard task that our filmmakers have to resort to such tactics????

Now surely its not that the people of India don’t know about sex ... You don’t have a nation of 1 billion people for nothing..... In fact Indians know too much about sex... and we are pretty good at it too...our birth rates n population are proof of that... The only people who have better sex than us is the Chinese... In fact they are so good at sex, that people all over the world are dying to have sex with them... So much so that they had to build a wall around their country to stop that...

Euphemism No 8
Boiling Milk

Scene: The heroine is working in the kitchen.... newly wed wife... learning the tricks of the trade... the husband sneaks up from behind and grabs her around the waist... the heat in the kitchen , the smell of milk boiling on the stove, the spices in the kitchen and all that make the hero really hot (not that he wasn’t already horny) and they start making out oblivious of the milk on the stove ... while the hero n heroine move out of scene the camera pans into the vessel kept on stove with milk boiling... within minutes the milk starts to rise ... the rise in the level of milk is directly signifies the building up orgasm ... in five minutes the milk overflows (that’s the average time it would take - for both the activities)
Note: This euphemism can also be shown for Rape and in that case the milk boils to a rather jarring music

Euphemism No 9
Bird in Cage

This euphemism is solely reserved for use when depicting a rape scene.. The bird in the cage is analogous to the hero's sister in the grip of the villain...
Note: It will be hero's sister in 99% of the cases and this should occur somewhere in the first half of the movie.

Euphemism No 10
Fluttering Diya

This particular diya is rather from 60s and 70s where a diya would be lighted next to the person on his death bed... sitting next to the dying old man/woman would be his wife/husband, the dutiful-and-friendly neighbours, the chacha, taya, mama, mausi, doodhwala, kaam-wali-bai and a hoard of junior artists but not the son...
the son is rushing home to be besides his father/mother who is ready to kick the bucket anytime now.... as soon as he enters the room panting the diya is extinguished and the man/woman in bed has breathed his/her last....

In recent movies the diya has been oft replaced by the ECG machine .... The waves going up n down in a jagged way and finally nothing but a straight line....

UNIT OF MONEY

What's the unit of money?? Technically speaking its the lowest denomination of money which is indivisible.... and by the books it is 1 paise... I am not very sure about the pie and kaudi mathematics so cant really comment on it... (Remember: "do kaudi ke aadmi" and "main aapki pie pie chuka dungaa lalaji" from the yesterdecade movies)

But isn't it surprising no one remembers the humble aluminium coins anymore... we don't even get to see them anymore... except if some crazy guy (like me) is still clinging to his old coins nicely kept in a box in one of the cartons...

Forget about the humble one paise coin... or the rhomboid 5 paise coin... or the frilly edged 10 paise or the hexagonal 20 paise coins .. people are avoiding the 25 paise and 50 paise coins as well...

Now I do agree to a point that is inconvenient to carry coins... they weigh more than notes and I certainly dislike the sound of them in my pocket.. and GOD forbid, if I drop a coin... it becomes a real problem for me to pick it up from a slippery surface ... since my nails are so dug up (ok ok... I AM trying to give up biting nails)

But I am not reluctant to accept coins of small denomination as a valid means of trade... outside our office at the tea stall the cutting-chai is priced at Rs. 2.50 /- so that means I get 50 paise back with me ... but then people come up with excuses like.. "Agli baar laga lengey" to avoid taking that 50 paise...

Most often seen at Pan-wallahs .... that poor guy has to accept 50 paise from people but when he tries to give someone that 50 paise coin... "Bhaiya... Mint de do iski" .. Now where does that pan wallah go with his sackfuls of 25 paise and 50 paise coins????

The BEST bus conducters in Bombay... harass you if u produce 50 paise coins for the ticket...

I heard that somewhere in MP (guess it was Jabalpur or someplace) they have stusck together four 25 paise coins and count that as a rupee.. now it actually is a rupee but people dont want to carry four 25 paise coins...

I went to Bangalore long time back and there people were still using those aluminium coins... or for that matter the torn worn out notes were wrapped in plastic and still circulating... Now that is good.... coz we are increasing the life of a paper note....

There is a cost for printing currency, which sometimes exceeds the value of the note itself... as was the case with Re 1 and Rs 2 notes so they no longer are printing those notes

Just because a note is slightly torn doesn't mean it is completely devalued .... it still is a tenner or whatever it is

One reason why the coins of small denomination are loosing their sheen (literally) is that the purchasing power of rupee has gone down... things are expensive now... there is ahrdly anything u can buy with a lone 50 paise coin... gone are the days when a 25 paise could fetch you a orange ice lolly... then to avoid this mess should we reprice evrything so that everything has a Rs*.00/- kinda price... no paise attached... (I wonder would Bata people do that... their stuff is alays like Rs***.95 ..any guesses on how much they would have shortchanged the people over all these years??)

What next... soon people will be reluctant to accept 1 Re coins... then Rs 2 coins and then Rs 5 ...Are we heading towards a coin free economy ??? Will there be a day when the coin shall only be used while deciding which team bats first???

FILMI EUPHEMISM

We find euphemisms of all kinds these days...

No longer are there clothes for the obese... they are "King-Size"... Inventory Shrinkage instead of Shoplifting... Aesthetically Challenged instead of Ugly... Vertically Challanged instead of Short .. and the list goes on...(one euphemism which I really adore is "Differently Enabled")

Anyways back to what I started for. From the umpteen number of movies I have seen I hereby draw a list of euphemisms used in world's biggest film industry: Bollywood

Disclaimer: This list is by no means exhaustive, for as long as the filmmakers of this nation of 1 billion plus, continue to dig into their minds(or their noses.. or both) to find out new ways to show things on screen this list will keep growing


Euphemism No 1
Flowers
Scene: Hero n geroine in a public garden whispering sweet nothings to each other... hero feeling the pangs in his loins and the heroine acting coy.... after a while they bend down and the camera stays there on the two flowers (preferably roses mind you... and red too ) and then the two roses start to bump into each other or swaying left right up n down as if nodding approvngly to the acts being committed just below them... usually signfies kissing.

Corollary :Another version.. hero and heroine are now in a jungle ..rest scenario remains as above.. in this case the flower nodding usually signifies copulation

Euphemism No 2
Fireplace
Scene: hero n heroine on a stormy night... its raining accompanied by thunder and lightening... their car has broken down and they are now in a secluded Daak Bungalow in the middle of nowhere.... since their clothes are wet the hero will start a fire.. (somehow all the dal bungalows are stacked up with firewood for any such emergency n the hero has lighter/matches to light up the fire even without the need of any kerosene/petrol). The roaring fire's flames are directly proportional to the lust between the love birds at this point of time... the light in the room should be orangish-yellow and the hero should be nude waist up...
Hero n heroine get close to each other and the camera zooms in through the small space between their bodies and blurrs into the fire
Signifies copulation
It may be noted that this euphemism occurs solely when the case is of pre marital sex. the Euphemism No 1 though can also be shown with married couples. The corollary to it though is strictly reserved for premarital sex... if it were a married couple the husband would be busy pulling his hair and thinking "Why did I ever promise this woman the jungle safari???"


Euphemism No 3
Bedside lamp
Scene: Its the "SUHAAG RAAT" .... now after all the ghungta uthana, kesar wala doodh and the rest of the usual shenanigans are done with the hero will lay down his bride on the bed (fully clothed n jewelled)... camera pans to the bedside lamp which switches off after a delay of 2 seconds


Euphemism No 4
Child photo....shhhh
Another variation to the scene in the above euphemism... at the end instead of panning to the bedside lamp the camewra will pan upwards on the wall where the child photograph is ... and the child having a finger on his lips... Sssshhhhhhhh!!!
Dont be surprised if the next day the heroine throws up and is expecting a baby.. coz somehow this euphemism is oft used in cases when the couple is trying to make a baby.


Euphemism No 5
Waves in ocean 1
Usually occurs at some beach .. now the beach has to have green waters , white sand, sample sun and most importantly it should be secluded be totally deserted one... how else will their lusty instincts urge them to make out behind those coconut trees...then when the huge waves start hitting the shores you know that the guy has been successful in nailing the gal... one might wonder how all of a sudden the peaceful waves turned into big mighty roaring ones... the answer I m afraid is a bit complex... its the lunar gravity coupled with the earth's centrifugal force due to rotation on it's axis combined with all the pumping n grinding going on behind those coconut trees


Euphemism No 6
Waves in ocean 2
This is again a variation to euphemism no 5...except that this time the waves are crashing hard on the rocks... this would in most cases signify a rape or passionate love ...it may also be used in some other situation where there is a kash-m-kash going in the hero's mind whether to obey his parents word or go with his gal...or when heroine is comtemplating suicide due to the unwanted pregnancy.. but we wont discuss those senarios

Euphemism No 7
Mountain Erupting

Now this one is a multipurpose euphemism... it can and has been used at a number of places in a number fo situations...
Hero's sis gets raped.... Volcano erupts
Hero heroine are making passionate love ...Volcano erupts (in this case the amount of lava flowing out of volcano is directly proportional to the hero's virility)
Saboo ko gussa aata hain ... Volcano erupts (on Juptier ofcourse)