The Homecoming

 I am still coming to terms with being back in India. I wonder how this short stint of 2 years has made me become so unaccustomed with the things around here. Sometimes to the point of embarrassment, when I tell people it’s very hot in here. Sounds too NRIsh. Anyways, since the airlines in Europe allow only 20kg luggage per person, I had to leave back a lot of stuff in Denmark. The first thing I did after landing in India was to go and buy myself slippers the next day. I headed to Paharganj. Took a rickshaw to ‘Cheh Tooti Chowk’ which cost 10 rupees. Indian economy is booming and the rickshaw-walas are also entitled to their fair share.

After the purchase of the slippers I couldn’t resist from visiting my fav jalebi shop which is at ‘Cheh Tooti Chowk’. For all you people, who love those thick succulent heavy jalebis with the sugar syrup dripping down and like to have them hot out of the wok, this is the place for you. So I head over to the two jalebi shops side by side and ask for 250 gms of jalebis. I note that the rate is Rs 50/- per kg from Rs 40/- last year. People keeping abreast with the growing economy - I smile to myself. Those two shops have been there since forever. They don’t have names but ask anyone and he will guide you to these shops. I remember the face of the cashier who also weighs the sweets n hands them out to the customers, but the rest of the people have changed. And even though it may be new faces, the person behind the wok will again be wearing the trademark baniyan.
Img: http://www.indiamike.com/photopost/showphoto.php/photo/10209/cat/500/ppuser/627
As I dig my teeth into the first jalebi I see a Chinese/Korean/Japanese tourist stop and take pictures of the jalebiwalas with an expensive looking SLR. The batter being poured in perfect shape as the imartis are being made. It’s an art, the way the batter filled cloth is squeezed, the pattern emerges in the oil. Like the hands of some artist, the jalebiwalas hands move in constant, precise and calculated manner. He doesn’t have time to pose for pics. His job doesn’t offer him the luxury of making mistakes as not many people will be eager to eat a deformed imarti. People will buy a deformed piece of art more readily though.

Moving on from the Oriental tourist, I scan the area and see many more tourists. Paharganj is a fav amongst backpackers. You will find loads of them here at all times. Though all guidebooks recommend traveling to India from Oct – March, these people are here in the peak summer months and that too in Delhi. The temperature doesn’t offer them any respite. I hoped to see some Danish guys around, but there weren’t any. Don’t get me wrong, Danes are very fond of vacations and 3 weeks of vacation in summer and later in winter is a norm in the offices. But India doesn’t seem to be a fav destination as I came across very few people in Denmark who had visited India.

A young Caucasian lady is buying bangles at a shop, those big lac bangles. Another Caucasian couple is being led by a travel guide who tells them that he’s a student and does this as a part time job. An oriental couple with a map, trying to locate the New Delhi Railway Station perhaps. As I capture all these things happening in my surroundings I feel connected to these people in a strange way. Not long ago I was also in a similar position traveling in some country, where I was only for a small time. I had also roamed on the streets with a map in my hand. I was also buying souvenirs and sometimes cursing the weather.

The market offers these people what they want - Cheap accommodation, economical meals, travel agents, transport, communication, mineral water, toilet paper and a good amount of Indian culture.

Too much for my first day in India. I head home with my new slippers.

No Kissing/Sex Please, We Are Indians

In order to show objectionable, traumatizing and offending acts on screen, without having a lawsuit slapped on your face by the jobless moral guardians of the society, many age old methods have been employed by the champions of Bollywood. As you would have observed dear readers, more often than not, these euphemisms are relating to sex. Now this brings a Q to mind - Is depicting sex on screen such a hard task, that our filmmakers had to resort to such tactics?

Surely its not that Indians don’t know about sex. You don’t have a nation of 1 billion people for nothing. In fact Indians know too much about sex. And we are pretty good at it too. No, I won't mention the Kamasutra or Khajuraho, just look at our birth rate n population. The only people who have better sex than us, are the Chinese. In fact they are so good at sex, that people all over the world are dying to have sex with them for centuries. So much so, that they had to build a wall around their country.

Here is a list of some such euphemisms. The list is by no means exhaustive, for as long as the filmmakers of this nation of 1 billion plus, continue to dig into their minds (or their noses.. or both) to find out new ways to show things on screen this list will keep growing.

Euphemism No 1: Flowers
Scene: Hero n heroine in a public garden whispering sweet nothings to each other... hero feeling the pangs in his loins and the heroine acting coy.... After a while they bend down and the camera stays there on the two flowers (preferably roses...red ones) and then the two roses start to bump into each other or swaying left, right, up & down as if nodding their approval to the acts being committed just below ... usually signifies kissing.

This euphemism doesn't find many takers now, as many people have really eroded the moral fibre of our kulchur and started kissing on screen. Tauba!!

Corollary: Hero and heroine are now in a jungle... Rest scenario remains as above.. In this case the flower nodding usually signifies copulation.

Euphemism No 2: Fireplace
Scene: Hero n heroine on a stormy night... its raining accompanied by thunder and lightening... their car has broken down and they are now in a secluded 'Daak Bunglow' in the middle of nowhere.... since their clothes are wet the hero will start a fire.. (Somehow all the dak bunglows are stacked up with firewood for any such emergency n the hero has the talent to light up the fire from a matchstick/lighter without the need of any kerosene/petrol). The roaring fire's flames are directly proportional to the lust between the love birds at this point of time... the light in the room should be orangish-yellow, ample shadow play on the walls and the hero should be nude waist up (Throw in an ample amount of body hair for macho appeal and hiding the rolls of fat.. though Anil Kapoor is strictly forbiddened from removing his shirt COME-WHAT-MAY). Hero n heroine get close to each other and the camera zooms in through the small space between their bodies and blurs into the fire. Signifies copulation.

It may be noted that this euphemism occurs solely when the case is of pre-marital sex. The Euphemism No 1 though can also be shown with married couples. The corollary to euphemism 1 though is strictly reserved for premarital sex. If it were a married couple the husband would be busy pulling his hair and thinking "Why did I ever promise this woman the jungle safari???"


Euphemism No 3: Bedside Lamp
Scene: Its the "SUHAAG RAAT" (Ah!! Some more random hits on my blog thx to google) .... now after all the ghunghat-uthana, kesar wala doodh and the rest of the usual big-night shenanigans are done with, the hero will lay down his bride on the bed (fully clothed n jewelled)... camera pans to the bedside lamp which switches off after a delay of 2 seconds.


Euphemism No 4: Child photo....SSSHHHHHHHHH
Another variation to the scene in the above euphemism... at the end instead of panning to the bedside lamp the camera will move upwards on the wall where the child photograph is and the child having a finger on his lips... Sssshhhhhhhh!!!

Don't be surprised if the next day the heroine throws up and is expecting a baby (which would be determined without the help of a home pregancy kit or a doctor).. coz somehow this euphemism is oft used in cases when the couple is trying to make a baby. Congraulations flow from all corners and the father, placing a hand on the son's shoulder, says 'Bete, aaj tune mera sapna sach kar diya'. I wonder if the Dad was dreaming about the last nights events.


Euphemism No 5: Waves in ocean 1
Usually occurs at some beach .. now the beach has to have green waters , white sand, ample sun and most importantly it should be a secluded and totally deserted one... how else will their lusty instincts urge them to make out behind those coconut trees...and when the huge waves start hitting the shores you know that the guy has been successful in nailing the gal... one might wonder how all of a sudden the peaceful waves turned into big mighty roaring ones... the answer I m afraid is a bit complex... it's the lunar gravity coupled with the earth's centrifugal force due to rotation on it's axis combined with all the pumping n grinding going on behind those coconut trees.


Euphemism No 6: Waves in ocean 2
This is a variation to euphemism no 5...except that this time the waves are crashing hard on the rocks... this would in most cases signify a rape or passionate love ...it may also be used in some other situation where there is a kash-m-kash going in the hero's mind whether to obey his parents word or go with his gal...or when heroine is contemplating suicide due to the unwanted pregnancy.

Euphemism No 7: Volcano Erupting
Now this one is a multipurpose euphemism... it can and has been used at a number of places in a number of situations...
Hero's sis gets raped.... Volcano erupts
Hero heroine are making passionate love ...Volcano erupts (in this case the amount of lava flowing out of volcano is directly proportional to the ....mmmmm what shall we say...hero's virility)
Saboo ko gussa aata hain ... Volcano erupts (on Jupiter of course).


Euphemism No 8: Boiling Milk
Scene: The heroine is working in the kitchen.... newly wed wife... learning the tricks of the trade... the husband sneaks up from behind and grabs her around the waist... the heat in the kitchen , the smell of milk boiling on the stove, the aroma of spices and all that make the hero really hot (not that he wasn’t already horny) and they start making out oblivious of the milk heating on the stove ... while the hero n heroine move out of scene the camera pans into the vessel kept on stove with milk boiling... within minutes the milk starts to rise ... the rise in the level of milk is directly signifies the building up male orgasm ... in roughly 1 minute 30 secs the milk overflows (that’s the average time it would take - for both the activities)
Note: This euphemism can also be shown for Rape and in that case the milk boils to some rather jarring music.


Euphemism No 9: Bird in Cage
This euphemism is solely reserved for use when depicting a rape scene. The bird in the cage signifies the hero's sister in the grip of the villain.Note: It will be hero's sister in 99% of the cases and this should occur somewhere in the first half of the movie. In the rare exception that it is the heroine, she should commit suicide right after the crime and the hero will avenge her death in the rest of the movie. And before the feminists clench their teeth and ask me, why should a woman commit suicide when the ideally the rapist should be castrated, lemme tell you this is Bollywood and logic is found here in as much abundance as topless girls in Antarctica.


Euphemism No 10: Fluttering Diya
This particular diya is rather from 60s and 70s where a diya would be lighted next to the person on his death bed... sitting next to the dying old man/woman would be his wife/husband, the dutiful-and-friendly neighbors, the chacha, taya, mama, mausi, doodhwala, kaam-wali-bai and a hoard of junior artists but not the son.
The son is rushing home to be besides his father/mother who is ready to kick the bucket anytime now. As soon as he enters the room panting, the diya extinguishes and the man/woman in bed has breathed his/her last.The diya may be replaced by the ECG machine as well. The waves going up n down in a jagged way and finally nothing but a straight line.

With the help of these euphemisms, we can make sure that everything is in strict accordance with the CBFC guidelines of certification. Do you have any Euphemisms which u want to share?

====================================================

Update:
Some more Euphemisms which the readers left in the Comments section

Arun
An umbrella/heroine's hat coming in between when the couple steals a smooch.
May I just add, that the Umbrella has got to be of multicolor n should be revolving when the couple engage in the act.

Twilight Fairy
another one.. khufiya barsaati raat.. raat ka andhera.. no bijli.. except for the bijli in the sky.. the torrential rain.. hero heroine getting wet.. windows in buildings thrashing .. hero's hand on heroine's waist (mind u a waist which has a saree clinging on to the wet skin more for effect..for all it matters it's not really there)..and then once the hero and heroine get really close, the lightening weaves across the sky.. signifying what else but...copulation! :)
BRILLIANT

Sushruta
I remember if the rape happens in a stable like place the spinning wheel of a stationary cart also signals at ahem ...rape

Unknown User
You forgot the crying girl photographs...in a rape scene.

Bastet
Eagle or Hawk, preying on a pigeon, indicating the villian following a hapless damsel. As the hawk closes in and kills the pigeon, the villian pounces on the girl.

Jingle Bells III

Time to post some of those sarkari jingles. Oh no, I'm not gonna write about the 'Ek Chidiya Anek Chidiya' and 'Mile Sur Mera Tumhara'. I think they have been discussed way too much and everyone knows them. Lemme draw your attention towards a few lesser known jingles. Here they come:-

Chal padi hain ik lahar
Gao gao aur shehar shehar
Shishu ki raksha sandesh hamara
Shishu ki raksha uddesh hamara
Jacha Bacha Teeka Kendra or something

A boy writing something on a board
Purab se soorya uga
Faila ujiyara
Jaagi har disha disha
Jaaga jag saara
Manohar Singh - Yakeen nahi hota yeh wahi Kishan hain
Rashtriya Saksharta Mission
And whenever this guy Kishan in our class answered any question, all used to say together 'Yakeen nahi hota yeh wahi Kishan hain'
Another ad with the same song n theme, in which a lady teaches a young woman how to read n write.

Bol sakhi bol
Tera raaz kya hai
Kya hai teri khushi ka raaz
Tu bata de humko aaj....
Garbh nirodhak goliyaan Mala D hai mera raaz
(Thx Nishant for reminding me the remaining lines)
Bachonmein antar ke liye
Jeevan mein khushi ke liye
Tum bhi apna lo aaj
Mala D, Mala D, Mala D

2 body builders with these large hammers hitting 2 coconuts, one inside a helmet
Marzi hain aapki aakhir sar hain aapka

This one is my outright favorite
Aman Verma and Hemant Chaudhary (I guess that was his name) in a campaign regarding safety at unmanned railway crossings.

[HC as a yankee bike rider](the bike was Yamaha RX100, Silver petrol tank)
AV - Rukiye bhai sahab rukiye zara saawdhani se... aagey train aa rahi hain
HC - Saawadhaaani... what saawadhaaani man??? Thand rakho thand ... Cool down .. Koi farak nahi padta hain.

[As a Bihari Matador driver] (matador was one of those which carried the F for Firodia in front)
HC - Ka hain??? Aur doosra kauno kaam dhaam naahi hain ka....Jab dekho bakar bakar bakar!!!
AV - Bhai sahab train .. blah blah blah
HC - Arrey hatiye saamne se .. kauno farak naahi padta hain

[As a Jaat bus driver]
The bus comes to a screeching halt....
HC - Akhaan phoot gayi ke??? Hor koi gaddi na mili maran ke liye. Ibbi ho jaata tera Happy Budday.
AV - Par bhaisahab wahan train aa rahi hain
HC - Manne na pakadni...aur tu jara sad (side) ne holey.. mar mara jayegaa .. late ho rahe hain late
AV - Bhaisahab train....
HC - Rey, koi farak na padta
HC on a potrait with a flower garland around his neck
HC - Farak to padta hain bhai!!

This ad made the line 'Ibbi ho jata tera happy budday' so famous that it was used left, right n center henceforth. The line 'Jab dekho Bakar Bakar Bakar' also became very popular.

Some smart people gave the logic that AV was repsonsible for getting the poor bus driver killed coz he engaged him in that conversation. Had he not stopped him the bus driver would have long been gone before the train came :) and hence came the revised moral of the Story - Dont stop n listen to anybody on a unmanned railway crossing. Just keep driving :P

UPDATE:
Another sarkari oldie (Thx Nishant once again)

Padhna likhna seekho oh mehnat karne walo
Padhna likhna seekho oh dhoop mein chalne walo
क ख ग घ को पहचानो
अलिफ को पढना सीखो
अ आ इ ई को
हथियार बना के लड़ना सीखो...
Padhna likhna seekho oh mehnat karne walo
Padhna likhna seekho oh dhoop mein chalne walo

Jingle Bells II

Continuing with jingles... Installment Number II

Ravi Baswani & Archana Joglekar
Oye oye, Oye oye
Khujli karne waale
B-Tex lagale
B-Tex lagake tu apni
Daad khaaj khujli mita le
Oye Oye


Samay ka pahiya ghoome
Dil tere sang jhoome
Yeh jo apni preet hai
Yeh jo apna saath hai
Ik do din ki baat nahi
Barso purana saath hain
Dekhun jab bhi khoob lagey
Naya Naya tera roop lagey
HERO CYCLES

Badami badami mausam
Badami...sapnon ka sangam
Baalon mein resham aur sapnon ka mel
Bajaj Sevashram ka
ALMOND DROPS KESH TEL

Another Tel
Ghane mulaytam kaale baal
Khile khile matwale baal
DABUR AMLA KESH TEL
Resham ka ehsaas jage
Chehhra kitna khaas lage
Aap ke baal hon ya Sridevi ke baal,
saalon saal rakhe khayal
DABUR AMLA KESH TEL

The lovely(then) Sonali Bendre
Tum husn pari
Tum jan-e-jahan
Tum sabse haseen
Tum sabse jawan
Saundarya sabun NIRMA
Saundarya sabun NIRMA


I only rem the last 3 lines of this ad, maybe u can fill me if u rem
************************
Har khel mein safalta paate hain
Hardil mein rang laate hain
Ispat bhi hum banate hain
TATA STEEL

VIDEOCON WASHING MACHINE
It washes...it rinses
It even dries ur clothes
In just a few mintues...
You are ready for the show!


Nanhe munhe bacche teri mutthi mein kya hai
Muthi mein hain mera nanha munna RASNA
isme swad ka jaaaaduuu bhara hain
Packet Kholo, paani mein daalo
Paani mein ophir chini mil lo
Naya chota RASNA
3 rupaye mein aaye
6 glass banaya
I love u RASNA


Landlord(angrily)- Bhada naheen dena to makaan khaali kar do
PAN PASAND - Pan ka swad, gazab ki mithas
Bhada nahi dena hain to kyon na yeh makaan khaali kar do

Pan Pasand ad with Archana Joglekar(man I loved her eyes)
KYA!!! Shadi aur tumse, kabhi nahi.

Pan Pasand ad with Bharati Achrekar
Dekho mujhey gussa mar dilao, apni biwi pe hukum chalate ho


The ad which featured Sunil Gavaskar
Take the world in his strides... DINESH
I wonder if the brand is still alive

Humko pata hain jee
Aapko pata hain jee
Sabko pata hain jee
Barso se chahat apni
Yehi hain jee.. Apni bhi
swad bhare, shakti bhare
PARLE G


Vivek Vaswani - Sir, which shaving cream do you use?
Guy 1- GODREJ
VV - But why?
G1 - Great shave. Cologne fragrance. Wife loves it!
VV asks same questions to another guy
That fellow turns around, but turns out he has a beard "Me?"


Gudiya rani, badi seyani, paye hamesha plus
BOROPLUS BOROPLUS BOROPLUS

Yeh hain badhta baccha dekho kaisi kood lagaye
Yeh hain badhta baccha kapda chota hota jaye
I'm a COMPLAN Boy
I'm a COMPLAN Girl
(Shahid Kapoor & Ayesha Takia)


Someone crying in a boys dorm/hostel
Bakeman's kha
Chup ho ja
Ab tu zara muskura
Rona dhona bas kar bas
BAKEMAN"S GLUCOSE PLUS
I remember my Mom used to threaten me by saying "Agar kehna nahi mana to tere ko bhi hostel mein bhej dengey" and that used to scare the shit out of me :)

3 demons Kabz, Acidity, Sardard
3 gunshots Dhickkaun Dhickkaun Dhickkaun
Rakesh Bedi - Goliyon ka bhi asar nahi
Swami ji - Inka ilaaj goliyaan nahi, Ayurved hain
Dekho iske asar se Kabz, Acidity aur Sardard jaise rakshas kaise gayab hote hain
RB - KAYAM CHURAN
Bhavnagar wale Sheth Brothers ka KAYAM CHURAN

A boy in Superman like costume. The S being replaged by G
GLUCON D
Yeh jaan mein jaan daal de
Peete hi

Kya hai nam janab ka
Yeh hai little cooler VIDEOCON ka
Thandi hawa hai aah aah aah
Daam bhi kam hai wah wah wah
Har mausam me kaam ka
Bin awaaz araam ka
Ghar office ya dawakhana
Pahiyon pe chalke aasan hai aana

Hema Malini - Aaj bacchon ke kamre mein gulab CASPER
Esha & sis - Aur mummy ke chandan CASPER

School se aate dhoom machate
Ek pal nahi ruk paate (Thx Sakshi for correcting)
Ek hi baat hain doharaate
MAGGIE MAGGIE MAGGIE
Pal bhar mein taiyar
Khaane mein mazedaar

Salesman ho ya vyapaari
Manager ya karamchari
Sabhi ki tarakee ka kya hain source
RAPIDEX ENGLISH SPEAKING COURSE

And the lovely Preeti Sagar singing
Baagon ki taazgi laye
Packet band shuddhata aaye
Brooke Bond Red Label chai
Har bar tassali dilaye
BROOKE BOND RED LABEL chai
Packet band shuddhata aaye

A robot holding a tubelight like sword
Bijli ke bill mein katauti
Raushani mein badhotari
BAJAJ BULBS
Roshni ki duniya ka sartaj - BAJAJ

DHARA DHARA shudh DHARA
Asli tel hain dhara
Tamper proof hain dhara
Thode se hi paiso mein
Ho jata hain guzara
DHARA DHARA shudh DHARA

Kyon? Aakhir kyon behtar hai AEROSTAR HELMETS?
Zara sochiye

Yeh BULLET meri jaan, manzilon ka nishaan
Zindagi ek safar, chalna shaam-o-sehar
Iski raftaar ki, baat hai aur hi
Lambi Rahon pe yeh kya gazab ki chale
Raaste tai kare faasle tai kare
Yeh BULLET, yeh BULLET, yeh BULLET, yeh BULLET!!!

Laal Kaala Peela,
Gulabi Hara Neela
CLASSIC hai badhiya bristle wala
CLASSIC ka to andaaz hain nirala
Yahi hain yahi hain yahi to hain wooooooooooh

Girl1 - Excuse me kaunse college mein padhti ho tum
Girl2 - Collge aur main hehehehe
a small girl shouts to Girl2 - Mummyyyyyyyy
Meri Twacha se meri umr ka pata hi nahi chalta
Haldi aur chandan ke gun samaye SANTOOR
Jeevan ko khushhaal banaye SANTOOR SANTOOR
This 'meri twacha se ...' line became such a cliché later on

Girl(Ayesha Takia) - Daddy yeh aadha kya hain?
Daddy - Toothpaste aadha
CIBACA FLORIDE toothpaste.

Bachey budhey aur jawan
pehne Young India
Young India
YOUNG INDIA BANIYAN!!!

M-D-H, MDH
Kitchen king ho, ya garam masala
Chai ka masala, ya chane ka masala
Kasuri methi, ya deghi mirach
Asli masale, sach sach
M-D-H, MDH

Khana meri jaan meri jaan sunday ke sunday
Khana meri jaan meri jaan murgi ke ande.
Boiled khilaoon, omlette khilaoon, fried khilaoon...
Khilana meri jaan meri jaan sunday ke sunday
Sunday ho ya monday, roz khaiye ande
Fantastic!!!
National Egg Coordination Comittee

This was hilarious one.. dunno about the rest but i found it very amusing
Chehre se raajrani
Aur paero se naukarani
KRACK cream

Ik sawaal sab karein
rang tera kaise nikhra
HIMAMI GOLD TURMERIC SE
Haldi dhoop, taap se bachaye
Doodh kheera nariyal paani
Jadi bootiyaan rang nikhare
Aur kuch hi hafto mein rang tera
Nikhar nikhar jaaye
This ad featured Raveena Tandon
I think Sonali Bendre was also in another Fairness cream ad - FEM fairness cream but dont rem anything else else about the ad.

Hongey bachey swasth
Fale foolegaa bachpan
Inhe pilao
MUGLI GHUTTI PAANCH SAU PACHPAN
A-ha mithi mithi


Khilta bachpan
Rog se mukti
Isiliye Maa ki mamta ko pyari
Baal Jeevan Ghutti , haan
BAAL JEEVAN GHUTTTI

Another ad for a similar product but I don't rem the jingle, only the last lines
Dabur Janam ghutti
Yaani bachon ki tandurusti
which we distorted as - Dabur Janam Ghutti, kar de bachon ki chutti

And thx Anshul for reminding me this gem
Pyar hua ikraar hua
Pyar se phir kyu darta hain dil
Deluxe Nirodh
50 paise mein 3
(S, u know now, it wasnt a cheap candy :P)

And how can anyone forget this gem:-
Doodh doodh doodh doodh
Doodh hai wonderful
Pi sakte ho roz glassful
doodh doodh doodh doodh

Garmi me dalo doodh me ice
Doodh ban gaya very nice
Piyo daily once or twice
Mil jayega tasty surprise

Doodh doodh doodh doodh doodh, wonderful doodh,

Doodh hai must in every season
Piyo doodh for healthy reason
Rahoge phir fit and fine
Jiyoge past ninety-nine

Doodh doodh doodh doodh doodh, wonderful doodh,

Charon aur, mach gaya shor
Give me more, give me more
Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme wonderful doodh
Piyo glassful doodh doodh doodh doodh

Jingle Bells I

Update: Keeping in mind the current nostalgic mood, I have cued the Jungle book track in the 'Now Playing' Section. Njoy!!!


My good friend Kusum wrote a post that somehow touched me in a very strange but likeable way. She wrote about some advertisements from the time long gone and forgotten, to some extent. When there was only one channel, and later two channels. Good old Doordarshan. I thought of writing about a few advertisements... E&OE (bhool chook leni deni)

Yeh bechaara kaam ke bojh ka maara hai.
Inhe chahiya Hamdard ka taanic,CINKARA

Pehla pyaar, laaye jeevan mein bahar, pehla pyaar
Jab tan se chuve, nayi baatein kahe
Pehla pyaar
JAI soap
tan man mehake aise pehla pyar ho jaise

Raju tumhare daat to motiyon jaise chamak rahe hain(which became a oft-repeated line whenever someone beamed a smile)
Kyu na ho masterji, main dabur ka laal dant manjan jo istemaal karta hun
Daanto ki kare hifazat moti sa chamkaye
DABUR LAAL DANTMANJAN se mujhda khil-khil jaaye

Washing powder NIRMA, Washing powder NIRMA
doodh si safedi nirma se aaye
Raaangeeen kapda bhi khilkhil jaaye
sabki pasand nirma
Washing powder NIRMA, Washing powder NIRMA
NIRMA

which was follwed later with a similar sounding ad when they launced the washing soap

NIRMA NIRMA
iske jhaaaaaag ne jaadu kar diya
paani mein rehkar bhi yeh kam galey
dheero kapde dhoye aur zyada chale
sabki pasand nirma
Washing powder NIRMA, Detergent tikiya NIRMA
NIRMA

Asrani- Aye bhai Raam laxman bulb dena
Viju Khote - Aisa koi bulb nahi aata
Asrani- Kaise dukaandaar hain ji aap. duniya bhar mein mashhuur, badhiya quality se ban hua bahut hi badhiya bulb hain woh
Viju K- LAXMAN SYLVANIA BULB chahiye aapko
Asrani- Haan haan wohi, lekin ek nahin cheh.
Viju K- Cheh?
Asrani- poore ghar ke badal daalungaa

Another ad about ECE bulbs-
Wife- Bhool na jaana! ECE bulb laana
Parsi Bawa - aye dikro bhoolto nahi. ECE bulb laaujo
Bhoolbe na nee sho bulb ECE bulb.
Ba ba ba ba bulb
Zyada de ujala deeno-din chalne wala
ECE bulb ECE tube

Girl on hoarding - Suno suno ae babuji ting ting ting ting kapde kyu hain maile dhule"
Dilip tahil- "maile??? maine to laundry mein dhulwayen the"
girl - "to kya ..zara thehro..farak dekh lo"
VIMAL washing powder

Another favorite
tan tan tan tan tan , tan tan tan , tan tan tan tan tan tan tan
Tandurusti ki raksha karta hain lifebuoy
Lifebuoy hain jahaaaaaaan, tandurusti hain wahan
LIIIIIIIFEBUOY
Couldnt stand the yucky smell of this soap.

Shopkeeper - Oho Deepkia ji, lijiye aapka sab saamaan taiyaar hain
Deepika- (Who played the role of Sita in Ramayan) Yeh nahi woh
S- Lekin aap to woh hamesha mehngi wali tikiya..
D- Leti thi. magar jab wahi quality, wahi safedi, wahi jhaag kam daamo mein mile, to koi yeh kyu le.. woh na le
S- maan gaye
D - Kise
S - aapki paarkhi nazar n NIRMA SUPER. Dono ko
Aapki paarki nazar line we used to much during teenage years among friends... no prizes for guessing kya parakhte the :P

Lift out of order. A young takes the stairs and starts panting soon after. An old guy takes over
Saath saal ke boodhe ya saath saal ke jawan???
Inki rag rag mein josh aur tandurusti ka raaz
ZANDU ka KESARI jEEVAN
Rug rug mein taakat jagaye.. takat jo jeena sikhaye

And while I am at Zandu
ZANDU Balm ZANDU Balm
peeda haari balm
sardi sar dard peeda ko
pal mein door kare
ZANDU Baaaaaaaalm, ZANDU Balm

Match ka aakhri gend, aur yeh laga sixer....Natraj phir champion
Bonded Lead wali NATRAJ pencil

Bhojan ke baad Swad
Hajme ki goli Swad
Ayurvedic tatwo se bani
hain yeh goli Swad
Aha!! SWAD SWAD SWAD

Hawkins ki seeti baji, khushboo hi khushboo udi
Mazedaar, lazzatdar khana hai taiyaar, aji khana hai taiyaar!
Murg Musallam, Tomato Soup, Matar Pulao, Maa ki Daal, Kheer aur Dum Aloooooooo
Har vyanjan swadisht banaaye, minton mein jhatpat pakaaye
HAWKINS HAWKINS HAWKINS Pressure Cooker!
I still use a Hawkins pressure cooker, brought from India, albeit only for boiling rice, daal & potatoes. No kheer, murg mussalam, dumalu etc :(

Yaad aa gaya mujhko guzraa zamana
khushboo bheeni bheeni. zayaka suhana
INDANA

yeh jawan dil yeh pal
laut ke na aayengey kal
rahon pe apni chalo
jo jee mein aaye karo
MAAAAAAAZA MAAAAAAAZA
One of my favorite drinks.

Bade pahiyon ki hain badi baat PANTHER PANTHER
in raston pe barso ka saath
bade bade pahiye hain iske badi hain iski baat
kaise bhi mushkil ho raste nahi koi dar ki baat...
(then they show panther next to a tractor... hehehe)
dekha iske bade pahiyon ka kamaal, yahan tak bhi le aaye

Kya hua..???
Bachhi ro rahi thi...
Woodwards de de. Wohi to mein tumhe deti thi jab tum choti thi....
WOODWARDS GRIPE WATER

Masti jab chaye
Aur kuch samajh na aaye
CRAX CRAX ho jaye!!
Don't tell me you neevr wore those rings in your fingers and then took the whole finger in your mouth to eat the Crax.

Kharish khujli ya ho daad
RINGCUTTER ko rakhna yaad
RINGCUTTER RINGCUTTER
Jagsonpal ka RINGCUTTER

Jo OK sabun se nahaye
kamal sa khil jaaye
some guy, realising in the bath - "Sachmuch kaafi bada hain"
OK nahane ka bada sabun!!!

We used OK soap when I was small and Mom used to cut the soap into two parts and gave it to us. Each one use their own soap. My sis, Kusum, used to always have ask for the part with K in it and just to piss her off I too asked for it which lead to sveral fights. :D

So jaa meri jaan, na kar maa ko pareshan
chodd tu rona ,bechain hona
apne baap par kar ehsaan
abhi na karna doosre ki baat
pyar ko chahiye KOHINOOR ka bharosemand saath
(This one had Raja bundela)

(Wild horse galloping)
MASTI ne banaya humein marzi ka maalik
jeevan ki baag-dor hamare haath mein aa gayi

More later...

PS: A similar nostalgic post about Radio jingles.